Length: 244 pages of text, 257 pages total
Summary: Short version: Understanding this personality trait will help you get things done
Long version: Rubin starts out by introducing her four tendencies. They are based on how well you respond to inner and outer expectations. Then, she discusses each of the four tendencies, upholder, obliger, questioner, and rebel. For each, she provides the strengths and weaknesses of that tendency, and how to successfully interact with someone with that tendency as a colleague, spouse, parent, or health-care provider. She ends the book with a discussion of pairings between two tendencies and how to phrase requests to get maximum compliance from each tendency.
Final thoughts: If you’re a long-time reader of Rubin’s blog, you won’t get too much new from the book. That being said, I think the book and the four tendencies are a very helpful concept. It’s a very easy personality framework to understand. Even better, it offers actionable changes that you can implement to improve your relationships or to implement habits. It helps me understand how other people may approach habits and things to do. Not everyone wants to know all the facts and then decide. I am totally a questioner, so that’s how I work. Every tendency has a different “best” approach. I definitely found it a useful book.
Rubin includes the quiz she developed to place yourself in the correct tendency (it’s online if you’re interested). One of the appendices contains a series of questions for a flash evaluation as well. It’s a full package book.
Title comes from: There are four combinations of how you can respond to inner and outer expectations. Rubin named the categories tendencies.
Reading challenges fulfilled: book #72 for 2018, and #22 in my Finish the Series Challenge (it’s not really part of a series, but it is a writer I try to read)
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